Author: Jason

The Measure Of A Soul

I’ve often thought that the true measure of a person’s soul is whether or not they can activate an automatic sink sensor. When you see someone in a public restroom, be it an office building or an airport, and they’re unable to get the sink to turn on, you can be sure that they’re lacking a soul.

Andrew Largeman from Garden State has soul, and the proof is at the 13 second mark of this trailer:

You can be sure Jake and Elwood would have ZERO trouble turning on an automatic sink. They’d even be able to get the soap to come out!

When the Rapture comes, the first thing to change back on Earth will be removal of all automatic sinks, replaced by old-fashioned sink faucets that need a turn of a knob to release the water.

Modern Conveniences

As time marches on, the simple things in life get more and more convenient. At least if you live in the “first world”, especially in a city like San Francisco.

Yes, this will be a post about the extreme amount of laziness that one can partake in if you can afford it. No, I don’t think I’m entitled to it. I worked for it, I can live without it, but you can be damned sure I’m going to enjoy it when I can. They say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but I say that money absolutely buys convenience.

To give you an idea of the things that I have available to me at my fingertips in this day and age, in this city:

  • My dry cleaning is picked up from a locker in my building, taken to a facility somewhere else in the city, and returned to a locker in my building a couple of days later. I don’t have to go to a dry cleaner, much less iron my own clothes — no one would want to see the outcome of that endeavor. Thanks LaundryLocker!
  • I had Chinese food delivered for dinner last night from a place that doesn’t do delivery! I punch in our order in an app, and some dude on a scooter goes to the restaurant to order for me, wait for the food to be ready, and then drives it on over to me. Thanks Postmates!
  • A personal stylist in Chicago picked out some new clothes for me, based on my measurements, boxed them up, and shipped them out to me to try on. I keep what I like, I return what I don’t want or doesn’t fit, and I only get charged for the things I keep. Thanks TrunkClub!
  • I received a couple of checks in the mail. I deposited them into my bank account using my phone, without having to go to an ATM or a bank branch. Thanks WellsFargo mobile app!
  • I did leave the apartment, driving around San Francisco for some things my wife had to take care of today. Whenever we needed to park on the street, I didn’t need to scrounge around for quarters for the parking meters. I was able to pay for my parking meters just by punching a bunch of numbers into my phone. Thanks PayByPhone!

That’s just in the past 24 hours. And that’s just barely scratching the surface of what’s available to me.

We truly live in an amazing time for being lazy, and I for one am grateful for it.

Already Out Of Ideas?


For a whole lot of people who made daily/weekly/regular blogging part of their New Year’s resolutions yesterday, many of them are going to be scratching their heads already, struggling to come up with ideas to write about.

And, yes, I am one of those people.

Here are three resources to use for blogging inspiration:

  1. The Daily Post @ The good folks at Automattic, which is the company behind, are heavily invested in getting you to publish on their platform. The first step to you publish on their platform is to get you creating content! What better way to get you creating content than to give you daily suggestions for posts?
  2. Plinky. Formerly a standalone site, now part of the Automattic family, Plinky is another source of suggestions. They operate differently from The Daily Post, in that the Plinky model is to provide you with prompts that can be responded to directly within Plinky. That being said, you can use the Plinky prompts as inspiration for a blog post in lieu of a Plinky answer.
  3. No One Cares What You Had For Lunch. Or any other number of books that have been written to form the cottage industry about bloging.

Or you can do what I just did, which is transform your lack of ideas into a post about how you’re out of ideas. How meta of me.

2014, A Look Ahead

If 2013 was a pretty good year, then I’m going to have to make 2014 a GREAT year.

I skipped doing New Year’s resolutions the last couple of years, mostly due to laziness or being preoccupied with upcoming big events — getting married in 2012, selling my house and moving in 2013.

Well, let’s face it… mostly laziness.

But I’m bringing back the resolutions for 2014!

While I didn’t do such a great job at following my resolutions in 2011, I’m pretty pleased with the list that I’d come up three years ago. Why not go for the same ones again?

Specific Resolutions for 2014

  1. Lose 20 pounds.
  2. Write 1 blog post per day.
  3. Read 40 books.

Vague Resolutions for 2014

  1. Do more.
  2. Do better.
  3. Live louder.
  4. Take risks.
  5. Think bigger.
  6. Be a better friend.
  7. Meet new friends.
  8. Learn from those who have done it before.
  9. Teach to those who will listen.
  10. And, above all, don’t get eaten by a velociraptor.

2013, A Pretty Good Year

2013 is in the books, which makes today a good day to reflect back before I look ahead to 2014.

We had our ups and our downs in 2013. Between my wife and I, we lost several close friends and family members last year. Death seemed to overshadow life for a large portion of the year. There were days when we wondered what else could go wrong, and how we would get through the sadness and heartbreak. Would we ever catch a break?

The reality, of course, is that we had so many great things happen in 2013 as well. We had an abundance of good fortune and happiness that cannot be overlooked, no matter how bleak things seemed at times.

We moved to San Francisco.

We celebrated our first anniversary.

We had the opportunity to visit Paris.

We sold our house for a tidy profit.

I got to play in the World Series of Poker, with April cheering me on.

We were able to take our parents to Maui.


And, the single biggest source of smiles, laughter and joy for the year joined our little family when we picked up our new puppy, Aria.

Here’s to 2014 being even better than 2013!

Three Tales of Wireless Customer Service

Today, I had the opportunity to witness the in-store customer service experience of two different major wireless providers, as well as a third company that sells wireless devices.  Each had it’s own particular downsides, and two of them at least had some upside to make up for the downside.


When my wife and I moved from a townhouse in Los Gatos to a loft apartment in San Francisco in April, we knew there’d be some significant differences in our living arrangements.  Most of the differences were for the better at this point in our lives, with our respective jobs being in San Francisco.  The problem we didn’t count on was the terrible cellular reception that comes with a newly-constructed apartment building.  We have beautiful stained concrete floors, and we can hardly hear our neighbors thanks to the concrete throughout the building. Unfortunately, concrete is a major issue for cell phones — the concrete is usually reinforced with steel rebar, which does a fantastic job of blocking cell signals.  We’ve suffered with minimal cell service for a couple of months, and today I finally got fed up with seeing “No Service” on my phone, so I took a trip to an AT&T store.


I’m greeted at the door of the store by a concierge who asks how they can help me. That’s nice. I tell her that I want to pick up an AT&T 3G MicroCell, which plugs in to your broadband connection and acts as a cell signal booster. She says, “Sure, we can help you with that. Can I have your name please?” She takes my name down, which puts me on a waiting list to speak with a sales person… and that waiting list is 15 minutes long. That’s not so nice.

There’s nowhere to sit in the store, and I’m not particularly in the browsing mood for other AT&T products. I’m getting a bit grumpy while I’m sitting on the floor, waiting for my turn to talk to a salesperson.

When it’s finally my turn, the salesperson at least understands my frustration with not having cell service at home when I’m paying for it — not to mention my wife’s personal phone and her work phone. That’s three AT&T phones that barely work in our home. Since the device costs $200, just to get the cell service already pay for, he tells me, “While I can’t give you this device at no cost, I can try to make it up to you by giving you one of these Beats Pill speakers for free. It costs the same amount as the MicroCell.” Seeing as how I’d been looking at the Jambox on display only two minutes earlier, planning to buy one elsewhere, I thought this was an eminently reasonable way to make things up to a long-time AT&T customer.

Verdict: I left the store with my new MicroCell and my new Beats Pill, satisfied with the outcome. If only they’d staffed more people in the store so I didn’t have to wait, or at least had somewhere for me to sit while I waited, I’d have been (almost) impressed with their customer service experience.


My next stop was the Verizon store across the street.  A couple of years ago, I’d purchased a Verizon LTE Mobile Hotspot, due to being fairly mobile around the Bay Area for my job at the time. When I took my current job, the MiFi came in handy while I was doing a long daily commute by train; I could get some work done on the commute, and it especially came in handy when I was on-call. Then when we started driving the commute instead of taking the train, I could use the MiFi in the car if April was driving (or vice versa).

Now, however, my commute is so much shorter, and I’m never more than a few minutes from being able to access a wifi network. I really don’t need to be spending $50 per month with Verizon for a service I no longer use. Might as well go in to cancel it, right?

I go in to the Verizon store, and just like at AT&T, someone comes over to greet me. They’re not as busy as AT&T was — or they’re staffed appropriately — so there’s no need for a concierge. This time, it’s a salesperson who gets right to business. Of course, she wasn’t too thrilled to find out I was trying to cancel a service (while I was carrying an AT&T bag, mind you). “Sir, you’re still on a 2-year contract that doesn’t expire until July 13th.”  Oh right, I tell her, couldn’t remember the date when my contract was up.  “It will be a $60 cancellation fee in order to end your contract early.”  I look  at her incredulously; it’s June 22nd, and they’re going to sweat me for $60 when my contract is up in less than a month?  Can’t you just stop my auto-renewal? “No, you’d have to call for that.” Seriously, I’ve taken the effort to come in to a store to talk to someone in-person, but now I’m being told to call? What’s the point of having customer service as part of your in-store experience at that point?

I’ll be calling Verizon today to cancel my account, $60 fee be damned. I’m going to get hit with a $50 bill anyway, and I figure that the extra $10 they charge me is a good way to avoid getting hit up for another $50 in case I forget to cancel on July 13th.

Verdict: Sayonara, Verizon, you just ensured that my next in-store stop wasn’t going to get you any more of my business.


My final stop was going to be the Apple Store. I’d been wanting to buy an iPad Mini for a while, and I was waiting until after WWDC to make sure Apple didn’t announce a new iPad Mini. I also wanted to get one with a cellular option, since I was getting rid of the Verizon MiFi. My iPad 2 was Wifi only, and I’d often found myself wishing it had the cellular option.

The Apple Store was, of course, far busier than AT&T and Verizon combined. I was met once again with a concierge who pointed me to the iPad Mini display station, giving me a few minutes to play with one before I made my purchase. I’d made my decision before leaving the house, but it was nice to give myself a moment to confirm ‘this is what I want!’ before I bought it.

It only took three seconds to spot an available Apple Store employee, and with quick eye contact and the briefest of head-nods in his direction, I had someone ready to help me. I told him what model I wanted and the accompanying cover, and off he went to fetch my merchandise.  The checkout process was speedy and painless, and I was back out on the street with my new iPad Mini in my bag in less than five minutes.  I’d initially planned to get the Verizon model, so that I’d have an alternative network if my AT&T iPhone wasn’t getting good coverage when traveling.  Instead, I chose the AT&T model over the Verizon model, thanks to the previous section’s experience.

However, there is a downside to the ultra-efficiency of the Apple Store process. It was so quick and painless that I didn’t take any time to browse the rest of the store, when in fact I actually did have something else that I’d meant to pick up while I was there.

Verdict: I was ripe for a cross-sell, but that opportunity passed Apple by — or, at least, that store missed selling another unit, since I’m going to order the remaining item online!

In Summary

In the span of an hour, three in-store experiences had the following effects on me as a customer:

  • AT&T managed to keep me as a customer, and even had me adding an additional service (the iPad Mini’s cellular option). Lifetime customer value goes up.
  • Verizon was losing my immediate business, but compounded that by losing my potential future business (again, the iPad Mini’s cellular option). Lifetime customer value goes down.
  • Apple will almost always get my business, but the physical store lost out to the online store when it came to getting another product purchase out of me. Lifetime customer value remains high, but an opportunity was missed.

My Guest Blog Post for Zendesk

*dusts off the blog*

While I may not have written anything for my own blog in nearly a year (mea culpa), I was recently invited to write a guest post for Zendesk’s blog. My company uses Zendesk for our support tickets, and the two companies have a tight product relationship.

We kicked around some ideas on topics to write about, and landed on “Why having new employees answer support tickets could be the best thing your company ever did“.  Go check it out!

Stay Classy

(Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, huh?)

Most days, I commute to work via Caltrain, which is its own daily set of adventures.  For instance, this would’ve been a bit of a problem for me today:

However, today, I drove in, since I was going to be staying a bit late at the office.  The drive from Los Gatos to San Francisco is usually pretty uneventful, since I leave the house early enough to miss most of the traffic.

I’m heading north on 280, cruise control set just shy of 80 mph, hanging out in the left-most lane, minding my own business.  A Nissan Pathfinder came racing up behind me, tailgating me, which is never fun when you’re going that speed.  I flipped on my turn signal, indicating that I’d get out of his way just as soon as I could comfortably pass the Toyota Prius to my right.  The Pathfinder jackhole, however, was far too impatient for my safe driving.  He darted into the gap between me and the Prius, as I was just starting to change lanes, forcing me to swerve back into the left lane.

The jackhole pulled parallel with me, and held up a NY Yankees hat to his window as if to shove it in my face, then stepped on his gas pedal and swerved in front of me, forcing me to hit the brakes so I didn’t clip his bumper.  Then he sprayed his windshield cleaner, which of course has the effect of spraying MY windshield, before speeding away at a much higher rate of speed than I was going.

All because I have a Boston Red Sox license plate holder on my car.

Stay classy, Yankee fans…

The Real Review of 2011

The auto-generated 2011 in Review post was from WordPress, talking about what my site did in 2011.

Here’s what I did in 2011 that really matters:

  1. My girlfriend moved in with me.
  2. Her dog also moved in with me.
  3. She switched from being my girlfriend to my fiancee.
  4. I got a new job.

Everything else was just icing on the cake 🙂

Happy New Year to you and yours, may your 2012 be as good as my 2011.  And may my 2012 be even better!